Issue No. 4 — LGFA Extra Time: Breaking the Vanilla Ice

Imgur links
Page 1: http://i.imgur.com/zaEpbGk.jpg
Page 2: http://i.imgur.com/j1nqAK5.jpg

 

Per the request of League Gaming Media Director, @F5 Penguin, I am supplying text versions of all the stories. Apparently, people have trouble with the images on their phones. I hope this helps!

Ice, Ice-Breakers; Ice, Ice-Breakers
Managers give glimpse into team parties, chats

By Nubsy004
LGFA Writer/Reporter/TV Co-Host
With trades slowing and teams settling in to the season, Xbox parties and team chats are in full swing, with some offering more entertainment than others.
While many teams are quiet and focused, other team’s discussions can get a tad more raucous, even to the point of molding into pregame ritual status.
“We have a very specific pregame ritual here at Everton that helps bring out the best in all of us,” said @Killersquirlz, GM of the league leading Toffeemen. “Warmups start an hour before game time, so that we can take 50 minutes to get into the lobby before we send out a friendly. During this time, @l THiZz l and @GmenNum10 get into a shouting match with increasing volume, typically about whether Giants or Patriots are better. This is accompanied by @iExecute Panda yelling, “OH GOD, HELP,” while the argument falls off the rails.
“Usually at this point, everyone is so demoralized, TC players are requesting trades and everyone wants to drop the gloves after the game. That way, when @Bitetto02 bails us out with his hat tricks, we’re all pleasantly surprised. Then, @Symbiah shows up to play keeper.”
@McCullough l 9, owner of Newcastle, said his team’s best moments are captured in parties, and not in the team chat.
“For the most part, our team chat is pretty dull,” he said. “Our party chats are mostly hilarious with lots of banter. @Neon Anarchy likes to chirp, @zMayhenIV is like Cheech, and @KCNightshade likes to throw in some of his own banter here and there.
“It’s a good time over here at Newcastle, but right now we’re focused on getting back to winning ways.”
The Castle was bombarded this week, falling to the bottom of the table with an 0-1-5 performance.
@lMacK EHl, Swansea owner, said his team is reflective of its mascot.
“The Swans are a laid back group, and most of us have been friends off the pitch for a while,” he said. “We have a lot of character in the locker room. I’m the man with the plan and I set the lineup for the team each game. My management style could be described as harsh but fair. I’ll be there to pump your tires when you need it, but I’m not afraid to tell it like it is to players who step out of line.
“@Scott Swag City, AKA the Bayou Bully, loves to dunk on defenders and blast the long ball. He uses his southern swag to get the boys hyped up before games. @Kwanny D helps us set up in the midfield and is good for an occasional chuckle. @AceEzzy is the leader of our 500K army and is the voice of our defense.”
Mack said some of his team’s players command attention when they speak
“@Itz Hotpants’ presence on the team is similar to that one guy you see in almost every sports movie. He doesn’t really talk unless he has something to say, but when he speaks everyone shuts up and listens. @Jester Race666, AKA Jester Jester the Child Molester, has a great nickname which was earned by shutting down the opponents child’s play attempts to get past him. @VanB Matthias is another beauty on the squad. We know we have the upper hand against Tottenham with him on the team, because he claims he can just shut off his brother @Bauer l 43 l ’s internet off if we are ever in a trouble.”
@SOCCER SM 10, owner of Leicester City, said the Foxes’ have fancied one another for a long time.
“Our Groups Talks 24-7 because we have known each other since Season 2, well, most of us,” he said. “The group is always joking, and its never serious, but just banter about events that happen around the world, like Champions League.
“The loud one would be @l Steve McG l; the talkative would be @l Steve McG l; the class clown is @NINJA IN A BOX; the quite one would be @FiveNakedNinjas; the drunk one is @Roon l 44 l; the high ones are @lL A lK lE and @NinoRT9; the trash talker is Nino; the weird one is me, SOCCER SM 10; the drowsy one is @U90 l Robben; the chill one is @ORod80; and last but not forgotten, the smart one is @IMMORTAL BRUCEY, and @Texas Tenant is responsible for the worst gif ever.”
CreepyKlepto, Crystal Palace owner, said the palace is big and quiet.
“We have a lot of quiet guys,” he said. “I don’t talk much during the games. @Mezoh STK mutes his headset during games. @Unlucky Dustin, l Trae l and @Paok04 are very rarely heard talking. @PANDA SwAGGGGG talks when he shoots, saying either, ‘Let’s go,’ or, ‘Oh fuck.’
“@K inG x NeymaR says, ‘Nice pass’ any time we complete a pass. @DiabeticRage24 says ‘unlucky’ every time we fail a pass. @LoCoTrAcK5tAr and @Ronaldinho x 10 tell each other they suck and talk about times they’ve played against each other.”
Klepto said once all that is out of the way, it leaves space for one person to fill.
“Then, there’s @in8ability2212 ,” the owner said. “In8 talks and talks. He might piss you off, gross you out, or make you laugh — sometimes all of the above. Overall, I think everyone on the team gets along pretty well.”
Over in Merseyside, Liverpool GM @nubsy004 said his squad is hit and miss.
“Our group is funny, because some days we just talk over each other about insignificant things, and other days you can hear a pin drop in the party,” he said. “Someone has needed to change the batteries in their smoke detector since early preseason, and I still can’t figure out who it is. @J Mat 8 probably talks the most, especially just to break the silence. @JaysWayss is the supplier of wit, and he has a fetish for the phrase, ‘Rest in pepperoni.’
"@EricE30 is the most unpredictable one. You never really know if he’s in the party or not, and then you know for sure he is because he will start singing from what sounds like a cave in Romania. And, you always knows when he leaves because he whispers, ‘I love you,’ into his mic ever so softly. Other than that, @Th3Whit3Mamba3 is usually talking some kind of trash to or about someone, and @LegendaryFig V4 is the master of catching you off guard with awkward questions.”
Messages sent to owners of other teams not quoted were not returned.
Full disclosure, I am GM of Liverpool.



‘Inflategate’ scandal rocks LGFA
Alleged over-inflation of balls leading to top teams’ success

By Nubsy004
LGFA Writer/Reporter/TV Co-Host
An under-the-radar scandal is breaking news today, as the top teams after Week 1 have been accused of over-inflating their game balls for a competitive advantage. The debacle has been dubbed, “Inflategate.”
FIFA laws state game balls must be inflated from 8.5-15.6 psi, but league officials are investigating teams like Leicester, Everton and Crystal Palace, among others yet to be named, for inflating their balls up to 22.3 psi.
“As we all know, over-inflated balls fly farther, go faster and bounce higher,” said @Brisan66, LGFA commissioner. “Any teams over-inflating their balls, with ball pumps or with their mouths, will have their egos checked when the ban hammer starts to fall following our investigation.”
@Bitetto02, Everton striker who netted an astonishing 11 goals in six games during the first week of play, denied all allegations of cheating among the Toffeemen.
“When I pick those balls out, I don’t want anyone touching the balls after that,” the 500K scoring machine said. “I don’t want them rubbing them. I feel like I’ve always played within the rules. Everton would never do anything outside the rules of play.”
@XxSmarTz, Leicester forward who buried a respectable 4 chances this week, also denied the allegations from teams shut out by the Foxes who claimed the over-inflated balls prevented them from scoring.
“I don’t think anyone knew there was an issue with the balls,” Smartz said. “I felt like we won those games fair and square.”
@LoCoTrAcK5tAr, GM of Crystal Palace, said everyone likes their balls to feel differently, and the fact this conversation has come up is insulting.
“Everybody has a preference [on how they like their balls],” he said. “Some guys like them round, some guys like them thin, some guys like them tacky, some guys like them brand new, some guys like old balls. They’re all different. It’s a very individual thing.
“I’m very disappointed we have to be answering questions like this. I wish I could give you more answers or the answers that you were looking for.”
Brisan said the LGFA’s BOGs are looking into the issue, and being on the No. 3 team after Week 1, West Ham, he’s taking a back seat to the investigation.
“I’m not squeezing the balls,” he said. “That’s not part of my process.”
League sources say the investigation will be completed by next week, but possible litigation in British courts may Inflategate out until FIFA 18 and Season 10.

SATIRE DISCLOSURE: This article is not serious in nature. If you believe what you have read here, Extra Time and the LGFA relinquish all responsibilities regarding your actions. Carry on.


SOCCER SM 10’s Power Rankings after Week 1

By SOCCER SM 10
Extra Time Reporter
So far, some teams are playing as predicted and are high in the table, while 2 teams disappointed in the beginning of the season.
Newcastle and Manchester United, I don’t know what happened to them, but out of the two I believe Manchester United will bounce back. They have the team for it.
I also want to congratulate Liverpool for pulling a 3-0 upset over Leicester.

Standing: 1st
Team: Everton
Prediction: 3rd
Reason: Everton is continuing their great form from preseason, with Bitetto having 11 goals in week one, which is a great run for the striker. I have predicted they finish the season 3rd because for because they haven’t faced Crystal Palace, West Ham or Leicester, and played a very weakened Man U. So, until they play those top teams, the jury is still out.
KEY PLAYERS
Fwd: @Bitetto02 - 6GP, 11G, 2A
MID: @l THiZz I - 6GP, 2G, 6A
DEF: @Killersquirelz - 6GP, 2CS
GK: @Symbieh - 4GP, 10S, 2CS

Currently 2nd
Team: Crystal Palace F.C.
Prediction: 2nd
Reason: As predicted, CP is showing a great offensive side with every offensive player having a goal. Even their defenders has some goals The reason they are predicted 2nd is they haven’t faced Everton, Leicester or West Ham, so power rankings will change after these teams face off.

KEY PLAYERS
FWD: @K inG x NeymaR - 6GP, 4G, 1A
MID: @Ronaldinho x l0 - 4GP, 2G, 3A
DEF: @LoCoTrAcK5tAr - 6GP, 2G, 1A, 4CS
GK: @Mezoh STK - 3GP, 2GA

Currently 3rd
Team: Leicester City
Prediction: 1st
Reason: Why I predict Leicester still first is because just like the previous two teams, these top four teams haven’t faced off, and once they do, power rankings will be different. In Week 2, Leicester faces all three teams: West Ham, Crystal Palace and Everton. This is the week where the league starts seeing where teams might end up.
KEY PLAYERS
FWD: @XxSmarTz - 6GP, 4G, 1A
MID: @SOCCER SM 10 - 3GP, 0G, 4A
DEF: @lL A lK lE - 6GP, 1G, 0A, 5CS
GK: @l Steve McG l - 4GP, 8S, 4CS

Currently 4th
Team: West Ham United F.C.
Prediction: 4th
Reason: The Hammers are the sleeping giants, and once they wake up, we will see if Everton, Crystal Palace and Leicester can with stand their team.
KEY PLAYERS
FWD: @l Kevinho l - 4GP, 3G, 0A
MID: @Thibeault x - 2GP, 1G, 2A
DEF: @Van der Duke - 4GP, 1G, 0A, 1CS
GK: @CKlassen - 2GP, 12S, 1CS

Currently 5th
Team: Watford F.C.
Prediction: 5th
Reason: Tying against Everton was a good result for this team, and now, they are in 5th with a better goal differential than Swansea.
KEY PLAYERS
FWD: @LoLoYaBiish415 - 2GP, 1G, 0A
MID: @RojasA (TC) - 4GP, 3G, 0A
DEF: @o Grayzer o - 4GP, 0G, 0A, 2CS
GK: @The Worthy 1 - 2GP, 8 S, 2CS

Currently 6th
TEAM: Swansea City A.F.C
PREDICTION: 8th

Currently 7th
TEAM: Liverpool F.C.
PREDICTION: 7th

Currently 8th
TEAM: Manchester City
PREDICTION: 10th

Currently 9th
TEAM: Chelsea
Prediction: 13th

Currently 10th
TEAM: Tottenham Hotspur
PREDICTION: 12th

Currently 11th
TEAM: Manchester United
PREDICTION: 6th

Currently: 12th
TEAM: Sunderland A.F.C.
PREDICTION: 14th

Currently 13th
TEAM: Arsenal F.C.
PREDICTION: 11th

Currently 14th
TEAM: Newcastle United F.C.
PREDICTION: 9th


Starting XI for Week 1
Formation: 4-4-2 wide

LS: @Bitetto02 - Everton - 6GP, 11G, 2A
RS: @K inG x NeymaR - Crystal Palace - 6GP, 4G, 1A
CAM: @l THiZz I - Everton - 6GP, 2G, 6A
LM: @Ronaldinho x l0 - Crystal Palace - 4GP, 2G, 3A
RM: @SOCCER SM 10 - Leicester - 3GP, 0G, 4A
CDM: @Roon l 44 l - Leicester - 6GP, 0G, 1A, 5CS
LB: @VanB Matthias - Swansea - 6GP, 1G, 1A, 4CS
CB: @LoCoTrAcK5tAr - Crystal Palace - 6GP, 2G, 1A, 4CS
CB: @lL A lK lE - Leicester - 6GP, 1G, 0A, 5CS
RB: @Paok04 - Crystal Palace - 6GP, 2G, 0A, 4CS
GK: @Bauer l 43 l - Tottenham Hotspur - 1-2-3, 17 saves on 24 shots

Side note to BOGs: Please add tackles and tackles attempted that way their can be a clearer chance for defenders to make the TOTW or TOTS. This would help for selecting CDM and defenders. We can also add key passes (2nd assist in hockey terms) to know the player who made the play start. These are just suggestions. Thank you! - SOCCER SM 10

 

Nice pass.

 

You do not get clean sheet's as a CDM, that's some shit I'd expect to see from the hockey guys. Are we going to start giving 2 assists per goal? Only playing LB, CB , RB or GK makes you eligible for Clean Sheets.

 

LOLOLOLOL

 

I tried to mention this last week and the response I got was similar to if I drowned the family cat. I guess the media is to ignorant to realize what they are doing has flaws. then I just had fun making up my own stats but apparently they can only do that and not be called rehtaaaaaaded (kc97 accent)

 

Well a good cdm probobly has a lot of defenders on his team with clean sheets. Not everything done well has a stat to go with it. Interceptions/tackles/passing could be stats used to recognize good DM play, but getting some people to enter the basic stats is already a challenge.

 

Because you guys clearly aren't analyzing stats very hard not to sound like an asshole. My outside mid won player of the week on d when he played one game there

 

Briasn I suggest to add tackles to stats and maybe key passes that is all key doesnt mean an assist but it shows who made the play happen or who started the play etc...
Tackles determine better CBs with bad GKs etc... fifa does record it so might as well just add them

 

Yea adding interecetions and passing is a good one too

 

Mack it said he played 6 Games

 

Unless your not doing the stats right ?

 

#riptotw

 

if we run over 10 successful runs can I get a goal? I'm making a run to open up the forward so he's not the only one who stretched the d so I deserve one too! There is no way a forward could do it all him self when there are like 2/3/4/5/6 people in the box sometimes.

 

Well you don't enjoy giving out goals for no reason why do we give fake clean sheets. Not much different it's what each position strives for

 

We don't keep shut outs for defence who blocked shots and help the goalie in NHL. Without the d the goalie would never have a shutout because without d limiting teams to bad shots he would get lit. Doesn't mean we credit them with the stat