Media Vol. 4, Issue No. 2 — Cash Me On Da Pitch...Howbow Dah?

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S9 bidding brings surprises
Reigning Ballon d’Or winner snagged for 500K

By @nubsy004
LGFA Extra Time Editor/LGFA Access Co-Host
With such a large disparity in cash on hand for the 12 squads in this season of LGFA, bidding brought quite a few surprises, both in highest and lowest bids.
OVERPRICED
Let's start with the elephant in the room — @GeriatricPickl3. At 20-13-25 overall in LGFA in five seasons, justifying Pickle's $15 million price tag is a tough sell. Talent-wise, he makes the cut, but the jump from $10 million to $15 million in bidding brings one question, what exactly was City thinking? Pickle will blend in well with @Bramble l 19 l and @IRichMoney 19 on the back line, but for $15 million, there were many other cheaper and equally-skilled options.
Second-highest on the bidding list was @Unlucky Dustin to @Tottenham at $11 million. This bid is more what we should expect from the LGFA owners, as Dustin could have gone for a couple million more with the lack of numbers this season.
The third-highest bid is also a bit of a head-scratcher. Watford's $10.75 million for @YBGVickers seems a few million more than the defender is worth, however, the Hornets winning @LoCoTrAcK5tAr in blind bidding shows the managers there are smarter than previously thought.
UNDERPRICED
Yet another elephant in the room, the biggest steal in bidding has to go to Sunderland, who snagged reigning Ballon d'Or winner @PANDA SwAGGGGG for 500K. How on earth Panda wasn't sniped at least once is beyond comprehension. Shame on all other 11 owners for letting this happen.
Some may question this piece of punditry, but @Van der Duke, reigning Beckenbauer winner, should have gone for more than the $8.75 million Hull paid for him. Duke is deserving of a Pickle-sized contract, and getting him for any less than $10 million in a league with few defenders is a good deal.
Chock up another one for Hull, goalkeeper @l Steve McG l going for only $2.25 million is a steal. With so few choices in net and Steve's experience, a more appropriate bid would be at least in the $5 million to $7 million range.
TEAM DISPARITIES
Looking at all rosters in general, there's a trend this season unlike any other in recent memory. Because of the slim choices on defense, teams with strong and numerous players on their back lines have weaker attacks. On the other side of that coin, teams with the strongest attacks are sorely lacking at defense.
Tottenham and Sunderland win awards fore most balanced. Crystal Palace and Southampton look the least balanced when it comes to defense, and Manchester City and Bournemouth are least balanced offensively.
WRAP UP
If the rosters show anything, it's that there should be a lot of goals in LGFA this season. So many forwards and so few defenders will mean some high-scoring games and a lot of three-back formations. Happy attacking, everyone!

Preseason Power Rankings

By @SOCCER SM 10
LGFA Extra Time Reporter
The wait for LGFA through the dog days of winter can feel interminable (BIG WORD ALERT).
But, fear not.
Season 9 begins tonight, and with the bidding in the rearview, now is as a good a time as any to check out how all 12 teams stack up.
Here’s our first set of 2017 Season 9 Power Rankings.

Tottenham Hotspur
Prediction: Champions
Reasoning: The returning champs come back with a big name, Unlucky Dustin, to try to help them achieve something never done in LGFA history — become back to back champions. The Spurs are stacked with big names in every position, but I can only name four who stand out even more than the rest. @NinoRT9 will be leading the pack, with @lL A lK lE being the solid wall in the defense. Dustin will be the brains behind the midfield, and the legendary cat-like reflexes of @Itz Hotpants in goal will make the Spurs team to beat.
Key players:
ST: @NinoRT9, @IMMORTAL BRUCEY
Mid: @Unlucky Dustin, @o2DaTruth3o, @Rewind l 7 l
Def: @lL A lK lE, @ODJM Jr x l 3 l
GK: @Itz Hotpants

Hull City
Prediction: 2nd place
Reasoning: The Tigers probably has the most balance team behind the Spurs. @KinG x NeymaR is wanting to recover his S6 and S7 performances to achieve Ballon d'Or once again, @EcF Rodriguez is one of the respected players in ACL and can dominate the Midfield. @Roon l 44 l, the most decorated player in LGFA, will command from the DM spot, and @Risxn will lead the defense magnifico. The Spurs, Black Cats and Gunners will have a real tough time getting past the Tigers defense.
Key players
Fwd: @King x NeymaR
Mid: @EcF Rodriguez, @Roon l 44 l, @SOCCER SM 10
Def: @Van der Duke, @Risxn
GK: @l Steve McG l

Sunderland
Prediction: 3rd Place
Reasoning: The Black Cats are very simple team, with @Bitetto02 as commander and chief from the middle and be looking to find ACL big name @Collier l 11 l to finish all the goals. Add @Huether 10, an elegant midfielder who also migrated from ACL, @l Vendi l, the 6-7 beast who will be shooting from half the field to score, and will see if Bitetto can control the beast.
Key players
Fwd: @Collier l 11 l, @PANDA SwAGGGGG
Mid: @Bitetto02, @Huether 10
Def: @l Vendi l, @DiLo l 19 l, @Luizini l5l

Arsenal
Prediction: 4th place
Reasoning: The Gunners three forwards make up one terrifying offense, but Arsenal has probably one of the weakest defenses ever. They would have to score as much as they let in. The combination of MEM, which are @oO Leo Messi Oo, @Unlucky Evo, and @l Mann l, will be a pleasure to see combined. @zMayhemIV will have to step up a level above elite to save the Gunners defense. He can achieve it, but he will need his offense to score a minimum of four goals a game.
Key players
Fwd: @oO Leo Messi Oo, @Unlucky Evo, @l Mann l
Mid: @HazardOfEden
Def: @CreepyMamba, @CreepyKlepto
GK: @zMayhemIV

Newcastle United
Prediction: 5th place
Reasoning: The Magpies offense is good, but really doesn't have anyone to set up forwards. It would have to be the some of their defensive players to make the plays happen. @ORod80, the one-man engine, along with @Icy Cold Veins, the cold hearted one, will have to pair up and lead the middle to feed the offense and score some goals. @Austin McA the sweeper will have to nail down the defense and keep everything out, and as for the one-nut @Copy of Apollo, he has proven that he can keep teams in the fight in every game.
Key players
Fwd: @N0T NiiCE
Mid: @ORod80, @Icy Cold Veins, @l M0NEY l
Def: @Austin McA, @Dusan Double D
GK: @Copy of Apollo

Southampton
Prediction: 6th place
Reasoning: The Saints have a team that will compete. With @Texas Tenant in goal, they surely have a chance to stay in the fight once you add in @KCNightshade leading the defense and having @zZVisualZz as one of the strongest DMs in the league to hold the team together. @Everest l 42 l will have to finish as much as goals as possible.
Key players
Fwd: @Everest l 42 l, @Duey912
Mid: @nubsy004, @zZVisualZz
Def: @KCNightshade
GK: @Texas Tenant

Crystal Palace
Prediction: 7th place
Reasoning: The Eagles look like a very decent team very close to 6th place, but time will tell. @xWDx VOLZ is one of the most respected strikers in ACL and LGFA, and he is here to carry a team from 7th to the championship. His team will have to have help him, and the likes of @TIMBORULES and @xMoBxGeTxMoNeYx can give Volz a boost. @Skillaache is a strong DM and will have to be there swiping up his offense's mistakes.
Key players
Fwd: @xMoBxGeTxMoNeYx, @xWDx VOLZ, @TIMBORULES
Mid: @Skillaache
Def: @xCr4cKx Ochoa

Watford
Prediction: 8th place
Reasoning: The Hornets have one Legendary GK, @z Uh Oh, that will have to stop everything in his path so Watford can survive. The holiest of strikers, @TheePastorDave, will have to answer prayers in almost every game to carry his team to victory, and partner @TKShooter22 and playmaker @Cheecky Nando can help the Hornets be a team it would be unwise to underestimate. These four players will be the difference in tough games.
Key players
Fwd: @TKShooter22, @TheePastorDave
Mid: @Cheecky Nando
Def: @YBGVickers
Gk: @z Uh Oh

Manchester City
Prediction: 9th place
Reasoning: The Citizens spent a whooping $15 million on @GeriatricPickl3, which means he will have to carry City to glory by scoring and defending, all at the same time. Pickle will definitely need consistency from @gordy5567, the notorious skiller, @ll Versace ll, the direct baller, and @MUFASATHEKING23, the playmaker. If these three players do well, Manchester City can have a surprise season.
Key players
Fwd: @gordy5567
Mid: @ll Versace ll, @MUFASATHEKING23
Def: @Bramble l 19 l, @GeriatricPickl3

Liverpool
Prediction: 10th place
Reasoning: The Reds will have to defend for their lives and counter all day. @OGG Shadow will have to repeat a Season 5 performance to help @I Smell A Taco not concede as many goals as usual. The taco man will have to be at his best every game, because the Reds offense is their weakest point. @CoLoMBo14 will have to carry Liverpool's offense and put on the No. 10 to win some games.
Key players
Fwd: @GottaThatchEmAll
Mid: @CoLoMBo14
Def: @OShadow
GK: @I Smell A Taco

Bournemouth
Prediction: 11th place
Reasoning: The Cherries will have one difficult season. @ANGLESKYWALKER3 is their best offensive player, and he will have to carry in every game. A rising CB, @N a MK a P, is a new kid who has shown great defensive qualities and will have to step up to an elite defender this season so early on in his career. @L3git Diego10 will also have to step up as well and command his team.
Key players
Fwd: @ANGLESKYWALKER3
Mid: @L3git Diego10
Def: @N a MK a P
Gk: @Psycho7Clutch

Manchester United
Prediction: Last Place
Reasoning: The Red Devils, like the Cherries, will have a tough season ahead, as @Python x 77 once again completed a weak bidding. @MisteRAWness and @PineapplePotPie are Manchester's best players, so they will have to carry in every single game. @XxSmarTz will have to power the offense, scoring as many goals as possible.
Key players
Fwd: @XxSmarTz
Mid: @PineapplePotPie
Def: @MisteRAWness

Good luck to everyone this season power rankings change every week so will see who proves me right or wrong.

Players sobering up for first night of play
Ballon d’Or winner hoping to snap out of funk

By nubsy004
LGFA Extra Time Editor/LGFA Access Co-Host
With the first matches of the season approaching quickly, owners across the league are stocking up on hangover cures for players who got hammered Saturday expecting to coast through the unexpectedly nixed preseason.
Hitting it the hardest was @LoCoTrAcK5tAr, who was won in blind bidding for $8 million. Figuring he’d have at least $6 million more in his pocket by Sunday morning, Loco made it rain Saturday night at the Titty Twister.
“It was a pussy blowout over there,” Loco explained Sunday morning, with breath so heavy with Patron standing too close to him would get anyone contact drunk. “They had smelly pussy, hairy pussy, bloody pussy, snappin’ pussy, silky pussy, velvet pussy. Hell, they even had horse pussy, dog pussy and chicken pussy. How could anyone pass up all that pussy?”
While Watford is working to get Loco recovered from a hangover from hell, Manchester city has a whole different set of problems. Upon hearing of his $15 million contract, @GeriatricPickl3 hit up his old frat house and has yet to be found.
“The last we hear from him was Saturday afternoon,” said @TuffNut29, City owner. “He came in the clubhouse with three bottles of Dom and screamed, ‘WE’RE GOING STREAKING.’ Then he stripped, took off across the Etihad pitch and ran out the front gate faster than any of us could run and catch him.
“We’re searching all the jails in Manchester, but we’ve had no luck. If anyone sees Pickle, please let me know. He has to carry our defense.”
On the other end of the spectrum, $500K reigning Ballon d’Or winner @PANDA SwAGGGGG is looking to get some more pep in his step, as his contract was so low, partying was out of his budget.
“As the best player in LG last season, I figured I’d be swimming in cash,” he said. “I was planning on getting some of Las Vegas’ best escorts and spending a night on the town. Instead, I think I may have to hock this Ballon d’Or trophy just to pay my rent in Sunderland. Needless to say, this is depressing.”
Also hoping to get in a better mood, Deputy Commissioner @NickyLeaks is reeling after his sale to Bournemouth for $3 million.
“I can’t believe @Bitetto02 did me like this,” he said. “Good on @Clancy2113 because I’m worth way more than just $3 million, but I don’t know how I will ever get through a season without playing with @Brisan66.”
Finally, team-wise, Arsenal is holding a garage sale out front of the Emirates to get some cash on hand. Starting with a good returning core, The Gunners spent nearly every dime they had securing @Unlucky Evo and @CreepyMamba.
“We have 12 FA Cups in our trophy case, so at least four of those are for sale at $250K each,” said @CreepyKlepto, Arsenal Owner. “We also have a Champions League trophy we are auctioning off. That should bring in at least $4 million. For those looking for a cheaper piece of history, we’re selling Panda’s game-worn jersey and boots from last season, and his boots. He was so sad when he went to Sunderland that he left it all behind, and there’s money there in those pieces of LGFA history.”

SATIRE DISCLOSURE: This article is not serious in nature. If you believe what you have read here, Extra Time and the LGFA relinquish all responsibilities regarding your actions. Carry on.

Buy or Sell: Preseason TOTS

By @CreepyMamba
LGFA Extra Time Reporter
Projected TOTS:
LS: @Unlucky Evo (Arsenal)
RS: @Everest l 42 l (Southampton)
CAM: @NinoRT9 (Spurs)
LM: @cam9537 (Sunderland)
RM: @oO Leo Messi Oo (Arsenal)
CDM: @o2DaTruth3o (Spurs)
LB: @PopTart l 20 l (Hull City)
CB: @IL A IK IE (Spurs)
CB: @Austin McA (Newcastle)
RB: @hack theez (Arsenal)
GK: @Itz Hotpants (Tottehnam)
Bench:
1. @Unlucky Dustin (Spurs)
2. @l Mann l (Arsenal)
3. @SOCCER SM 10 (Hull City)
4. @l Murked l (Hull City)
5. @Shenanigan10 (Watford)
6. @CreepyMamba (Arsenal)
7. @l M0NEY l (Newcastle)
Award Predictions:
Ballon D'or: @Unlucky Evo (Arsenal)
Golden Boot: @Everest l 42 l (Southampton)
Playmaker: @cam9537 (Sunderland)
Beckenbauer: @Austin McA (Newcastle)
Golden Gloves: @jesushaxyou (Hull City)
Participation Award:
Manchester City
Trashcan Award:
Manchester United

 

No mention of Dunks?

Fake news.

 

You got your award in preseason. Can't be all Dunks all the time

 

Fun read

 

Disgusted at all this Nubsy, had better hopes of you for me.

 

Got Physco as Bournemouth key Goalie yet I'm nets, then World Cup bromances we had are gone! Lol

 

Hey man, don't blame me @SOCCER SM 10's opinions :/

 

We had a damn bromance Nubsy, I backed you as my favourite player on LGFA. Just stab me next time Nubsy it'll be less painful! Lol

 

But I didn't write itttttttt. lol

 

MAAA!! GET THE CAMERA

 

Mention me ;-;

 

@Nuge

 

some of us are still drunk from saturday

 

Thanks for the mention on projected TOTS Nubsy
Goal and assist to my name after first game

 

Yet again United will prove the pre season rankings wrong for a 4th concecutive season

 

U probably would

 

Predicted golden gloves. I like that