Doubling up Spurs take league, FA Cup titles in S8 By @nubsy004 LGFA Extra Time Editor/LGFA Access Co-Host Even before Season 8 kicked off, talk around the league was that the management team of @NinoRT9, @lL A lK lE and @Roon l 44 l would build a squad to recon with at Tottenham, and the Spurs did not disappoint, taking home the league title with a 17-7-2 record (58 points) and doubling down on the dominance with an FA Cup championship. Tottenham struggled in the preseason, winning exactly zero games with an 0-2-2 record, but once the regular season was underway, the Lilywhites flowered. Tottenham started and ended the season the same way, with a 6-1 win over Southampton on opening night, and another 6-1 victory over Liverpool in the FA Cup final. During the season, the only losses came at the hands of Middlesbrough, 3-1 in Week 1, and Sunderland, 2-0 in Week 4. In the quarterfinals of the FA Cup knockout round, the Spurs did fall to Bournemouth 3-1, but a 3-0 second leg ensured a semifinal berth. In that round, away goals became the Liliywhites’ friend, as 1-1 and 0-0 draws fell in the Spurs’ favor being on the road in the first game. Nevertheless, the championship rout was an undisputed showing of Tottenham’s ability to dominate, with two goals apiece from @l Mann l (also 3 assists) and @IMMORTAL BRUCEY, and added goals from @GoldenPandaDude and goalkeeper @Itz Hotpants on a late penalty. In the regular season, Mann led the offense with 9 goals and 14 assists, taking home the playmaker award. In total, 8 Spurs scored goals in regular-season play, and Mann provided as many apples as the rest of his team combined. Owner Nino said taking home the double this season “feels fucking amazing.” “The last couple seasons have gone up and down for me, and I finally wanted to be a winner again, so I knew I had to manage with my boys Roon and Lake,” he said. “I started playing 11v11 clubs under Texas Tenant’s Spurs team back in Season 2 of LGFA, and that’s where I met Roon, Marino, Lake, Bruce, etc. That Season 2 was one of the best seasons I’ve had, even though we didn’t win anything. This season was so fun, and we all got along so well, that we decided to start ‘The Breakfast Club’ and that was the base of players I knew we needed to win.” Lake said smart bidding was key to building the championship squad. “It feels good to be back on top after trying free agency last season (shout out Timbo),” he said. “Every season, it seems like people never learn to out-bid us in bidding, same was true this season.” Roon said once the team was stacked, no one expected anything less than a double. “After bidding and the team we assembled, us three set our goal for the year to win both trophies,” he said. “It’s awesome that we achieved that goal and added to our trophy collections.” The dream almost fell flat in the FA Cup quarterfinals, and each manage said there were some worrying moments after that 3-1 loss to Bournemouth. “Oh man that first loss was pretty insane,” Nino said. “Thing is, we had the chances and we knew what our weaker areas were. We just had to come back second leg and fix it. Fortunately, we finished our second leg chances and held them to no goals. The team really stepped up. Nobody gave up after going down 3-1 because we all felt we could win it, and I feel like that made the difference.” Lake balked at being “worried,” saying he was confident all along. “Worried isn’t the word,” he said. “Our team is full of talented players, and sometimes they like to play fancy instead of simple. Once we started slow, we knew we had to get our heads out of our asses and play like we can.” Roon said it wasn’t just the Bournemouth quarterfinals that had him nervous. “To be honest, I was kinda worried about all the games,” he said. “Cup games are totally different from league games because it’s only two games and it’s playoff format. Unfortunately, we struggled to get on early to warm up as a team and it showed. In both the quarterfinals and semifinals, we came out extremely flat and nearly lost because of it.” From the first FA Cup game to the last, the winning trio said there were many differences. “We started really slow just about every day, and we knew that starting out slow against Liverpool was not an option for us,” Nino said. “We know a lot of the players on that team and know what they are capable of. They know how take advantage of every weakness you show. We didn’t start out slow, though. That game against Liverpool was probably our best performance all season long. Every player on our side of the pitch knew what we had to do individually to get us the cup win.” During the championship beatdown, the media could not help but take notice of BOG @Dunks, an NHL player by trade but thriving in his fourth season of LGFA. At certain points, the word “Beckenbauer” was even mentioned. “Stop lol,” Nino said. “But in all honesty, he did improve a lot. I remember joking with him about him being top 10 outside back of the league when he wasn’t even top 10 outside back in tottenham. He keeps saying he got carried, but he was always there when we needed him and played the best he could. One thing I specifically like about Dunks is that he can be a funny character, but when it comes down to playing, he would always ask us what we thought he did bad and what he can improve on, and you just have to really appreciate that.” Roon said while Beckenbauer may be a stretch, Dunks’ improvement has not gone unnoticed. “Hilarious,” he said. “But in all seriousness, Dunks is developing into a great defender. A lot of people look down on outside backs, but in my opinion, especially how people in LGFA play, it is one of the most important positions on the field. People love their Y-balls down the wings, and if you have good outside backs, you shut down almost every team in this league offensively. He was willing to play outside back all season and never bitched like other people in this league do, and he did a great job.” Lake just had a one-word reaction to the thought of Dunks taking a Beckenbauer award — “AIDS.” With Season 8 in the books, and the Spurs taking a cool $28 million in standings and no forfeit rewards into bidding next season, Tottenham is still taking time to reflect on this season’s dominance. “I just have to make a big shout out to The Breakfast Club,” Nino said. “I’m sure everyone in LGFA is probably tired of us mentioning them, but I have to shout them out. We’ve stuck around for so many seasons and have built awesome memories. I wouldn’t have wanted to win the double without them. Wasn’t able to pick them all up in Tottenham since we are all good players and can get pricey, but glad I was able to have most of them in the team to share the glory with. We are LGFA Legends! can’t wait to put that on my resume.” Lake said everyone on Tottenham showing up hungry was key. “We [also] got lucky with some big blind bid wins throughout the season that allowed us to improve the weak areas on our roster, which honestly ended up to be the best team Nino, Roon and I have ever built,” he said. Roon said he’s just pleased overall with how the whole season went, not just with his team. “Regardless of whether my team won trophies or not, I believed this was a great season for the league,” he said. “Unfortunately, we will always have owners and players that will quit but every league has that. @Brisan66 and the BOGs did a great job, and we had another successful LGFA season.” FA Cup final: The aftermath Managers missing after 6-1 thrashing By @nubsy004 LGFA Extra Time Editor/LGFA Access Co-Host Four days after Tottenham Hotspur’s 6-1 demolition of Liverpool, league staff are becoming more and more worried about the disappearance of managers and players on both teams, presumably for different reasons. According to anonymous sources, the unlucky Liverpool managers, who no doubt lived up to their clan tag, have not been seen since the FA Cup final. “@Unlucky Dustin was in the ICU at The Royal Liverpool University Hospital, recovering from his wounds after the beatdown,” said @Brisan66, LGFA Commissioner. “On Thursday, nurses found his room empty and destroyed. The walls were covered in crude drawings of the Tottenham logo, with the word ‘Redrum’ painted in blood below or over each logo.” As for @Unlucky Evo, sources say he hopped on a plane back to his home in Houston, but the flight was rerouted. “According to radar, the plane was heading into George Bush Intercontinental Airport, but on the approach took a sharp turn south,” said @phillyfan76, Deputy Commissioner. “The aircraft seemed to be headed toward Colombia before the black box was shut off and we lost contact. I don’t know what’s going on, but I hope he keeps his head down there.” The final member of the management team, @Unlucky Owen, was last seen Friday clutching a big brown paper bag on the streets of Liverpool. Looking disheveled and intoxicated, he was holding up a sign that said, “Will work for goals.” Reports of his spiral made it to BOG @fils, who went to check on the AGM. “When I showed up, Owen wasn’t there, but there was a ransom-style note left where he was sitting,” fils said. “That note read, ‘In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In the city of Liverpool, the dedicated detectives that investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.” Fils said the note may be linked to a comment in the live stream of the FA Cup final and subsequent reposting of the video on a seedy, pornographic website. “Police currently have @JaysWayss in custody, questioning him for the threat made on Twitch, ‘This [video] is gonna be up on pornhub soon under the gangbang category,’” fils said. “We take these comments very seriously, and we’re concerned about Owen and what happened to him.” On the other side of the coin, Tottenham managers @NinoRT9, @lL A lK lE and @Roon l 44 l are also missing, but staff believe for different reasons entirely. “I transferred the $28 million in bonuses to Tottenham’s account on Friday, and I’m hearing Nino is using some of that money to take The Breakfast Club on a weekend bender,” Brisan said. “The last time anyone saw Nino, the only way he could be ID’d was because he was still wearing his cleats from the game. No one could see his face, or the rest of his body for that matter, because he was covered in top flight pussy.” Sources say Lake has disappeared as well, last seen boarding a party barge embarking from the Chicago harbor into Lake Michigan. “There were allegedly a lot of cocaine and hookers on that boat, but technically, certain points of Lake Michigan are considered international waters, so we can’t go after him,” phillyfan said. “Let’s just hope he passes the drug test before Season 9 starts.” Finally, Roon has been seen in numerous cities across the UK and the U.S., parading the FA Cup anywhere he can. “Word is Roon has been breaking into Christmas parades across the world, holding up the FA Cup and screaming, ‘WE DID IT, BITCHES!” fils said. “We cannot confirm or deny these reports, but images from parades in New York, San Fransisco, Dallas and Cleveland all lead us to believe the reports are true. “We have received tips he will be in Seattle soon to crash the Sounders’ MLS Cup celebration. We are hoping to catch up with him there and get him some psychiatric care. It can’t be healthy to celebrate that much.” SATIRE DISCLOSURE: This article is not serious in nature. If you believe what you have read here, Extra Time and the LGFA relinquish all responsibilities regarding your actions. Carry on.
It took you 8 issues to notice this? Your comment had been rated "invalid." Besides, the dab can't be any worse than my profile pic....with an afro and saluting in a Germany jersey. I'll make a new celly cutout for issues next season. Gotta keep you on your toes.
