Vol. 3, Issue No. 7 — The FA Cup Shitshow

Imgur Link: http://i.imgur.com/DDIodr2.jpg

 

Eight teams, one cup

With Tottenham sealing away the league title, the final week of LGFA Season 8 comes down to the proverbial shitshow that is this year's FA Cup knockout round.
Cups are not always shitshows, but with this season's bracket, the matchups are as crappy as that one famous video with those two girls, whatever it was called
On one side of the bracket, we have Liverpool, Sunderland, Middlesbrough and Chelsea, the No. 2, 3, 4 and 8 league table finishers. While this side seems to be a solid set of matchups, the opposite side is as opposite in interest as absolutely possible. the No. 1 Spurs on their side have No. 9 Crystal Palace, No. 12 Bournemouth and No. 13 West Ham — Poop.
Here's how I believe the turd will circle.

QUARTERFINALS
Sunderland vs. Chelsea
While the Blues have really stepped up their game in the past two weeks, bagging a pair of wins on the final night of group play to seal the No. 4 slot in Group B via a head-to-head win over Southampton that night, Sunderland ain't no chumps. The Black Cats clawed their way to third in the league table and topped their cup group over Liverpool with a 5-0-1 record. Chelsea may have a couple tricks up its sleeve with Psycho7Clutch playing psycho and clutch as of late, and the management team of @x IYI 0 N 3 Y z, @x CHAPARITO x and @XPrEttYB0Y818X running a potent offense. However, Sunderland is rolling, and owns the regular-season matchup 5-2 on aggregate, including a 3-1 win last week.
Prediction: Sunderland, 4-3 on aggregate

Tottenham vs. Bournemouth
Let's all just have a moment of silence and pour one out for our homies in Bournemouth. The Cherries skated into the knockout round with a 2-2-2 record, surpassing Swansea for reason's I don't understand, seeing as how they lost to the Swans in Week 1 of FA Cup play. Nevertheless, here they are. In the regular season, Tottenham won the aggregate, 3-1, and the playoffs should be no different. The only advantage Bournemouth has is a lack of pressure as the severe underdog. An upset in this series would be incredible. The Spurs just need to keep their heads on straight and punch that semifinal ticket.
Prediction: Tottenham, 6-1 on aggregate

Liverpool vs. Middlesbrough
The most intriguing matchup of the quarterfinal round, Liverpool and Tottenham will be the legs to watch tonight. These teams, No. 2 and No. 4 in the league table, split 1-0 decisions this season and are the most likely of any to go into a golden goal situation. Adding another layer to the cake is the Unlucky pairing, with @Unlucky Evo leading Liverpool in scoring, and @Unlucky Diggs leading Middlesbrough. In my opinion, goalkeeping will make the difference in this matchup. Whether it's @Copy of Apollo for the Reds or @cW Jimmy for the Smoggies, one mistake will be the end of a season.
Prediction: Middlesbrough, 2-1 in golden goal

Crystal Palace vs. West Ham
This series may as well be a consolation with Tottenham lurking in the wings, but let's take a look just for funsies. West Ham has struggled all season. In fact, the Hammers have nearly as many wins in FA Cup play, three, as they did all of the regular season, four. Crystal strode to a 4-0-2 record in the group stages and have maintained a mid-table presence all season long. Ok, have I said enough about them yet? I think so.
Prediction: Crystal Palace, 3-1 on aggregate

SEMIFINALS
Sunderland vs. Middlesbrough
Unfortunately for Middlesbrough, football is a cruel mistress, and an upset over Liverpool means a trouncing by the Black Cats. Don't blame me. Blame the soccer gods.
Prediction: Sunderland, 5-2 on aggregate

Tottenham vs. Crystal Palace
This is funny.
Prediction: Tottenham, 3-0 on aggregate

CHAMPIONSHIP
Sunderland vs. Tottenham
Yes, yes, I know. Picking the top two seeds to advance to the final…how original. Moving on, this is basically the matchup I'd like to see. Tottenham has been untouchable all season, and Sunderland has stepped up its game unlike any other team. This will be a one goal game either way. Whoever scores firsts will win.
Prediction: Tottenham does what is does best — wins. 2-1 for the Spurs