Vol. 3, Issue No. 5 — Noische Noische Noische

Imugur Links
Page 1: http://i.imgur.com/Pi8g0ld.jpg
Page 2: http://i.imgur.com/j03P4Pv.jpg

 

Missing owners replaced
Milk cartons fail to find @l Trae l, @itzrv9

By nubsy004
LGFA Extra Time Editor/LGFA Access Co-Host
An expansive milk carton campaign to find missing owners @l Trae l and @itzrv9 filed last week, leading to both owners being replaced in Everton and Bournemouth.
According to league sources, Trae was last seen standing outside the Quick Stop Groceries rapping, “Fuck fuck fuck, motha motha fuck motha motha fuck fuck, motha fuck motha fuck, noische noische noische. 1,2 1,2,3,4 noische noische noische. Smoking weed smoking wiz, doing coke drinking beers. Drinking beers beers beers. Rolling fatties smoking blunts. Who smokes the blunts? We smoke the blunts?”
Standing next to Trae was RV, wearing a black sock cap and staying silent as can be. The pair were allegedly harassing two teenagers for calling The Time a shitty 80s band.
“Yeeeeeaaaaaa, we saw what was going on with those two and began questioning their commitment to the league,” said @Brisan66, LGFA Commissioner. “They wanted 15 bucks to keep owning, and we said no. That was the last we heard from them.”
Staff talked to the manager of the store, who said, “Trae is ass. I don’t know who the fuck RV is.”
With games only a few days away, a search was initiated to find the pair. Every milk carton in England had pictures of Trae and RV, but the campaign was unsuccessful.
“The failure of our search may have something to do with the fact that no one drinks milk from cartons any more,” Brisan said. “We’re looking into it.”
With the two owners MIA, staff had to take action. @SovereignMamba, former Liverpool owner, took over the Everton squad stranded by Trae, and former West Hammer @xJettx took over Bournemouth.
“Liverpool was good, and that was the problem,” Mamba said. “I couldn’t make any trades, which is what I’m best at. Also, It will be a true test of my managerial skill to take a team Trae ran into the ground and turn it into something.”
Jett said his reason for taking ownership was simple.
“Anything to get away from LAINGX15,” he said.
Everton is last in the league table at 1-0-11, and Bournemouth is 12th, just one point ahead of Chelsea at 2-6-6.

SATIRE DISCLOSURE: This article is not serious in nature. If you believe what you have read here, Extra Time and the LGFA relinquish all responsibilities regarding your actions. Carry on.


Week 3 Power Rankings

1. Tottenham
The Spurs set the tone this week that they are the best team in this league right now. Holding second-in-the-table Liverpool scoreless and only letting in 1 goal all week. The question marks on this team have been solved, and they've proven so far to have no weakness. Will a contender start to show up, or will the Spurs pull away from the rest of the league in Week 3.

2. Liverpool
Week 2 was yet another another strong showing by the Reds. Losing only one game this week, Liverpool sits pretty in 2nd place, and 3 points outside of first isn't too far of a reach. Under new ownership with @Unlucky Dustin, the team should still perform up to standards and continue its dominating ways.

3. Arsenal
After a much better set of games than Week 1, the Gunners have fought their way back into the title hunt. Although there is a decent points margin between the gunners and first-place Spurs, nothing is impossible to reach yet. If Arsenal can put together another strong week, they could find themselves right at the top of the table heading into Week 4.

4. Middlesbrough
After a disappointing week, this team finds solace in still having a solid chance of running for a title. Sitting in 3rd place overall in the table, Middlesbrough felt like one move could really help their chances. Making a trade for beast l 14 should sincerely help the strength of their midfield. Heading into Week 3, look for Middlesbrough to either show they're a real contender or just a princess story.

5. Southampton
Another team that felt a couple moves could catapult them into title contention, Southampton has gone out and made some big trades. A team that's had trouble with consistency on defense has traded away starting goalkeeper @Chrisinho v, for defender @O Magic Italian, then found a stronger replacement for goalie in @CKlassen, all while giving up only @Johnislav and @Dusan Double D. This team feels after the moves they are stronger and really have a shot heading into Week 3.
6. Swansea
7. Sunderland
8. Manchester City
9. West Ham
10. Crystal Palace
11. Bournemouth
12. Manchester United
13. Everton
14. Chelsea

Week 2 Starting XI
Team By @SovereignMamba, Cards By @Fatal Enjoyment
Formation: 3-5-2
LS: @XMobxgetxmoney (Crystal Palace) - 6 G
RS: @Fatal Enjoyment (Swansea) - 4 G, 2 A
CAM: @PANDA SwAGGGGG (Arsenal) - 3 G, 3 A
LM: @nubsy004 (Southampton) - 3 G, 1 A
RM: @SuLLy x11 (Liverpool) - 3 A
LDM: @lL A lK lE (Spurs) - 3 CS, 1 A
RDM: @Van der Duke (Liverpool) - 3 CS
LCB: @ODJM Jr x (Spurs) - 4 CS, 2 G
CB: @SovereignMamba (Everton) - 3 CS
RCB: @SilverBackGamer (Swansea) - 3 CS
GK: @Chrisinho v (Southampton) - 2 CS, 16 Saves on 21 Shots, 5 GA
Reserves
FWD: @TKShooter 22 (Bournemouth) - 4 G, 1 A
FWD: @xWDx VOLZ (Sunderland) - 3 G, 1 A
MID: @iMMuNiiTy (Swansea) - 3 G, 1 A
MID: @Lovelady (Liverpool) - 2 G, 2 CS
DEF: @DamnShenangian7 (Bournemouth) - 1 G, 1 CS
GK: @CamelAcrobat136 (Swansea) - 1 CS, 17 Saves on 21 Shots, 4 GA

 

SGFA TOTW! LET'S GO! Nice work @Fatal Enjoyment

 

another victim of laing who now hates him. who lets laing be owner every season. jesus

 

My bad... was a bit stressed out all weekend...

 

Haha I'm dying reading that.

#MakeBournemouthGreat

 

who are we talking about here risxn

 

jett in the story. and anyone else on his team this season

 

I smoke the blunts