Sloshys Pre-Season Power Rankings

Hello all.

I am the right amount of hung over today to decide to write up my preseason rankings.

Any opinions other than my own are simply wrong, so enjoy!

 

1) Tampa Bay Lightning

Normally most writers won’t do their own team, but fuck it. The sentiment in the owner’s chat was “do not let sloshy get any xbox guys / do not let sloshy do what he wants.” And I ended up doing exactly what I wanted. @Bknottz92 and @LikeaHardPuzzle are freaks, and it’s likely Tampa is a stronger team than they were last season.

Key Arrivals:: @Bknottz92, @LikeaHardPuzzle

Key Players to Watch:: @Devin l94l , @NugeTV

2) Buffalo Sabers

Well Schroyer, along with Vex, nearly willed his team into the Cup finals last season. Combined with Knees, they form a management pair that can rival both NugeTV and I. They have solid goaltending, solid defence, and a solid 1 / 2 punch in @XxJusT4TheShoWxX and @dankchank. Unfortunately they bid on Gabby, and that’s a big negative.

Key Arrivals:: @schroyer69 , @XxJusT4TheShoWxX

Key Players to Watch: @schroyer69, @XxJusT4TheShoWxX

3) Toronto Maple Leafs

Budz might be dumb as fuck, and I’m fairly certain he was line matching last season, but he made a quality decision in upgrading his no name GM from last season into @BigJayAyotte. He also picked up @Tcx7 as Rico was traded there due to Scootz having a meltdown, which I am kind of bitter about. I think @llCheckmatell is a steal at 500K. Ultimately, your defence still sucks, and it will weigh down your forwards once the playoffs hit.

Key Arrivals:: @Tcx7, @BigJayAyotte

Key Players to Watch: @Tcx7, @llcheckmatell

4) Carolina Hurricanes

I think Carolina had the largest fuck up last season by losing to Washington in the first round. At that time, I thought you were the only team in the East that could stand up to us. You have some solid goaltending, a solid D core, and I think you may have the best 3rd line C in the league in @OhCanada27. Try not to fuck it up this season

Key Arrivals: @JTowNE41, @pucku33

Key Players to Watch: @OhCanada27, @pucku33

5) Boston Bruins

Originally I had Jimmy pegged 2nd on this list in the East. He lowkey assembled a great D core with the additions of @jewbawkka and @eMLBCommish to go along with @sabres1414 and @PteCyr. I was really, really impressed with what you did. But then you traded for toslick, so you deserve this.

Key Arrivals: @jewbawkka, @Semple19

Key Players to Watch: @sobo18, @jewbawkka

6) Columbus Blue Jackets

@kentrontrace and his band of merry warriors are back for yet another season. They are not very flashy, and they are pretty boring to write about. You guys still have @XdarksparkX, who is a quality goalie. You decided to replace Woy with @Xx_TIGG_xX, so just going to wait to see that decision come back to bite you in the ass (still love you Tigg). Yada Yada Yada good forwards yada yada fuck your team is boring.

Key Arrivals: @Xx_TIGG_xX, @Schwatz_x9

Key Players to Watch: @Xx_TIGG_xX, @XdarksparkX

7) Florida Panthers

I think you are the sleeper team that will surprise everyone with a playoff experience. @MPelley25 is a beauty, and Clutch and Mike offer a solid 1 / 2 punch down the middle. Apparently @Gpig04 is playing, so he will provide a solid punch alongside Flow Pooch’s little brother in @holymoly669. I don’t know who you’re goalies are, so they’ll probably fail you.

Key Arrivals: @MPelley25, @l-Crazyliish-l

Key Players to Watch: @MPelley25, @holymoly669

8) Pittsburgh Penguins

Plymmy is a good dude, and I felt kind of bad that I indirectly fucked your bidding period. But then I realized that Soccaplaya is your GM, and now, like Jimmy, you kind of deserve it. @Remi 613 will carry the load on forward, @soccaplaya11 will take slapshots from his own blueline and likely pot a couple, @NeutralityEleven (what the fuck Plymmy?) is always solid, and @zBernatchez is my favorite person to be in a party with, so there is that.

Key Arrivals: @Remi 613, @zBernatchez

Key Players to Watch: @soccaplaya11, @Remi 613

9) Washington Capitals

If there is any team that will miraculously make the playoffs in the final week of the season, it will be the Capitals. Unfortunately, of the remaining two saviors this team has, Vex decided to RFA to forward. They did bid on @RageQuittin, which gives them a solid left handed left wing to play on the first line. Honestly, unless @LAKingsfaithfull can play like Vex did last season, and someone steps up to fill the gap that Schroyer left, I do not see this team being a playoff team. But once again, I invite you to prove me wrong.

Key Arrivals: @RageQuittin, @LAKingsfaithfull

Key Players to Watch: @RageQuittin, @VEXEloQuence

10) New York Islanders

I’ve always thought that it is a waste for a goalie to take management (except for Konz), but you have improved somewhat this season dutch. @Bones955 is a solid RW and @JoPz is the best, so you have that going for. Outside of those two, your team is not that exciting, unless Mike decides to give @KQ31 another goal this season.

Key Arrivals: @Bones955, @JoPz

Key Players to Watch: @JoPz

11) New Jersey Devils

You guys exist, so you have that going for you. @bigdogrex does an alright job of building teams, but I feel that letting your best forward from last season go is going to hurt. You have an underrated defence core that is lead by @JaySpies, and you will likely steal a lot of games off teams that do not take you seriously.

Key Arrivals: @Brettzky88 ? I don’t know, did you even get anyone new?

Key Players to Watch: @bigdogrex, @JaySpies

12) Ottawa Senators

You were one of my most sought after targets to fix my defence problem early in the season, but Kuli was a bitch and wouldn’t trade you. Mesposito retiring sucks, and you have an underwhelming offence led by one of the most QC names that I have ever seen, so at least you have a great up pusher. Unfortunately I think your merry band of draft picks will fail to miss the playoffs, as your big bids seem underwhelming.

Key Arrivals: @ak_KeBeCoiS_ak, @PheNoMeNaLxOnE17

Key Players to Watch: @ak_KeBeCoiS_ak, @PheNoMeNaLxOnE17

13) New York Rangers

You guys do things, and sometimes it wins you games. Once again @blckhwk84 is going somewhere where he is likely expected to carry the offence, only for a team to find out a week in that he can’t. @Borje_Salming_21 isn’t bad, but he’s going to have to do a lot of work this season to make one of your lines relevant. I heard Paige isn’t a bad goalie though.

Key Arrivals: @blckhwk84

Key Players to Watch: @blckhwk84, @paigeisraddd

14) Detroit Red Wings

I expect project: rescue @Bizzy313 to be in full effect for most teams this season, as he is really the only forward worth writing home about on Detroit. I also enjoy playing with @jamNOTmarmalade once in awhile, and @Scoutzy has a cup finals appearance under his belt, so I expect some veteran plays out of them. They need to make some significant changes to be competitive.

Key Arrivals: @Bizzy313

Key Players to Watch: @Bizzy313, @jamNOTmarmalade

15) Philadelphia Flyers

Well the goal was to not build a team like dmiller this season, and you basically built the exact same team. I’m getting to the point where I am phoning it in a bit. @ChiTownMenace will do things. @Chaskin12 probably needs to be saved by someone. Just play the spoiler this season and take advantage of a stronger bidding period next season.

Key Arrivals: @Chaskin12

Key Players to Watch: @Chaskin12, @grenadinator11

16) Team Dyno Mike (Montreal Canadians)

Well good luck this season. I’d recommend not trading your 1st round pick. Also I can’t figure out if you’re GM is TurcNasty or not, because I’m fairly sure that I saw another TurcNasty tag in AHL bidding. If that is the case, I’m telling.

Key Arrivals: @Dyno Mike

Key Players to Watch: hummmmm

 

1) Vancouver Canucks

Due to Scootz having a meltdown and Evo leaving management, I feel the Canucks are now the undisputed kings of the Western Conference. Cummins set himself up nicely for this season by taking advantage of his draft picks, picking up @RWatson19 with the 4th pick in the draft, which enabled him to drop a staggering 12.5M on @Tis Woy Woy, who is one of the best defenceman in the league. Vancouver has three solid lines, and a trip to the Cup finals is theirs to lose.

Key Arrivals: @RWatson19, @Tis Woy Woy

Key Players to Watch: @Tis Woy Woy, @xCr0sbyXx87

2) Calgary Flames

Well, Bucks stepped up in a major way this season, and assembled a roster that on paper looks very good. @Legendary JERZ and @Mcloughlin93 provide a great 1 / 2 punch that barely any teams can match, and you have the ability to roll three solid forward lines. However, the reason I say on paper is due to the fact that you have several mentally weak individuals on your roster, and if the season starts to slide for any random reason, I expect it to turn into a clusterfuck. However, I think you have enough talent that this will not be the case.

Key Arrivals: @sam11stern, @Rehanek

Key Players to Watch: @Gucci Goals, @Legendary JERZ

3) Nashville Predators

Well, you were lower on the list, but the Scootz meltdown gifted you two excellent players in Dennis and Wally. You have the ability to roll three solid forward lines, you have the best RW in the game in @jeff0012. Outside of @GoHawks496, your defence is nothing to write home about, but @KingKonz- is the best goalie on PS4, so I expect big things from this roster.

Key Arrivals: @l blitzkreig l, @Wallywallabee

Key Players to Watch: @jeff0012, @KingKonz-

4) Minnesota Wild

Every new owner should take lessons from @ll JCross ll. He managed to get Pindy to buy in and not use a trade request, he retained the majority of his key players, and made a few solid trades and signings. I think the signing of @Kerns-_- is underrated, and the trade for @Alexqc9 gives your team some depth. Unfortunately like a lot of teams on this list, your defence will be your downfall.

Key Arrivals: @Alexqc9, @Kerns-_-

Key Players to Watch: @Str8Syko__, @Kerns-_-

5) Los Angeles Kings

I feel like I may be underrating this team at the moment, but if everything works out, this team could go big. Their depth at C is gross, they have solid support wingers who are capable of putting up points, and they have an underrated GM that continues to create playoff teams despite never getting any respect in @Serpe x 13. If @EagleEyeFoley can play like his contract, this team can compete with Vancouver.

Key Arrivals: @Bealer 12, @coorsi88

Key Players to Watch: @IcE JaVeLiN, @EagleEyeFoley

6) Edmonton Oilers

These guys horded draft picks, and it is difficult to get a read on what their opening day roster will be. They managed to get one of the premiere RWs in the game in @B-Bunny back at a reduced cost, which looks bad on all the idiot owners with cap room. I’ve heard good things about @LaPlante94, but have yet to see how he will do on forward. Their defence looks solid, but @NHL4JP will likely fly off the rails at some point this season, so I’m interested to see how Oso will react to that.

Key Arrivals: @NHL4JP, @LaPlate94

Key Players to Watch: @B-Bunny, @Primary Flash

7) Chicago Blackhawks

I’m disappointed in you.

Key Arrivals: @Class_Act_27, @Pacioretty__67

Key Players to Watch: @Marshosaurus, @Class_Act_27

8) Anaheim Ducks

You’ve done good, young grasshopper. You have assembled a solid D core that is led by @l-Dekar-l. Your forwards are interesting. @Ksteiding1 is interesting, and hopefully it works out for you. Selecting @JCoul-l41l over RWatson was a head scratcher. You lost jonlol as a goalie though, so that will hurt.

Key Arrivals: @JCoul-l41l, @Ksteiding1

Key Players to Watch: @JCoul-l41l, @Ksteiding1

9) Dallas Stars

You know when you get a new girlfriend, and you’re all excited and happy, but then over time you start realizing that she has an annoying laugh and likes to kick puppies? That is you. Your team doesn’t look very good on paper, but I’ve been surprised before. @bjackedson was thrown under the bus by me, and he is now expected to carry your D core. Good luck Barn. Also @Theos_l7l is one of the best short siders in the game.

Key Arrivals: @bjackedson, @Theos_l7l

Key Players to Watch: @phD_In_Hockey, @bjackedson

10) San Jose Sharks

Unlike PROJECT: rescue bizzy, PROJECT: rescue Evo is a no go due to your absurd contract. Do you remember when you dropped 6M on jon to prevent him from becoming a Lighthing? You deserve this. @radicalapex isn’t bad and @M1keal seems nice.

Key Arrivals: @EvO

Key Players to Watch: @EvO

11) St. Louis Blues

You guys are hard to predict. You have some skilled players that all play varying styles, so it will be interesting to see how you mesh. @Ja-girard played well for Carolina last season, and will likely be relied on to lead the offence. Your defence is meh. I heard @MikeeTeeze is a solid goalie.

Key Arrivals: @MikeeTeeze, @Runlikeheii-

Key Players to Watch: @Ja-girard, @JCpens22

12) Colorado Avalance

Another team that is a merry band of draft picks. Your management is interesting, your team is not. Good luck @fanofblickihair.

Key Arrivals: @Jcfalcon21, @Levac27

Key Players to Watch: @Levac27

13) Winnipeg Jets

Yeah, a bunch of AHLers on F this season in the NHL. I don’t think @eZDangles is worth 8M, and if he is, he is on one hell of an island this season.

Key Arrivals: @eZDangles

Key Players to Watch: @eZDangles

14) Arizona Coyotes

I do not make many mistakes. However, recommending to the league that you should be given a second shot at owner was one of them.

Key Arrivals: hummm

Key Players to Watch: hummm

 

Sick writeups. 10/10

 

Am here to be #1

 

Good read sir!

 

Great read.......other than the BORING comment but AWESOME ANYWAYS

 

short and sweet

 

Great write ups slosh!

 

ok

 

Thanks for the writeup

 

Can confirm: @Bknottz92 is a freak

Tampa Bay already won the Cup

 

Pfft you got Winnipeg wrong, switch those ago scrubs with Arizona.

 

8.5/10

I bumped you up from a 7.5 because I'm mentioned twice and I'm not even playing this season.

Spell-check yo self.

 

Hopefully now that people know Im a player to watch I'll be challenged at least a little bit this playoff run.

 

gotteemmm

 

LA #1 in west, just picked up that rising star ChyzNasty

 

Wow! Way to ruin sloshy's power rankings with your trades GMs. So inconsiderate.

 

I think the red wings are a little underrated. Bizzy, scoutzy (SC final, like u said), and robbey (GM, Calder cup final, as well)

 

I see how it is.