News has broken in Tijuana today, as an investment group led by drug lord Pablo Escobar has announced their plans to purchase an expansion club within the LGFA... Escobar, along with his business partners George Lopez and Juan Stamos, released a statement to the press early Monday morning that detailed the trio’s plans to purchase an expansion club within the LGFA. The club has marked LGFA Philly midfielder dstokes31 as their lead candidate for club owner/manager, a player known for his eccentric, yet effective, management methods. Stokes, who would forego the final year of his Philly contract if selected, has previously managed teams within League Arena’s VIFA organization and the short-lived G4R leagues. His ties to the Tijuana region are well-documented, as his time with personal club “Los Mamaguevos” has come in the midst of a civil war that encompassed the entire Baja California Peninsula. Stokes’ pedigree for producing world-class defensive players will likely continue if awarded ownership, as his first-choice AGM is none other than defensive stalwart Cobra624. Cobra, a former academy graduate of Stokes’ “VIFA Sevilla School of Hard Knocks”, has become a household name within the FIFA community for his consistent defensive efforts. The Sevillian academy also produced several other well-known stars of the FIFA community, including LGFA Philly’s @Brisan66 and @Dino523. ( disclaimer: the Academy is not responsible for failures such as @GolSki40 ) Stokes’ world-class media production will also aid the club, which will seek to become the leading producer of media within LGFA. Stokes has already promised “all of the highlights, even the bad ones”, as well as live streams of all games and a “shitload of satirical news”. Stokes, alongside his financial backers, has announced Orlando and Colorado as the two most likely landing spots for the expansion club. Escobar’s connections within the weed community of Colorado would provide an obvious financial boon, while Orlando has been chosen due to Stokes’ current term as headmaster at the “Wizarding World of Harry Potter” theme park. Those interested in playing for such a clearly valuable club need only to contact their prospective manager, dstokes31! Stokes, alongside Cobra624, are currently hosting training sessions with any and all interested players until the release (and subsequent start of Season 5) of FIFA 16, and are looking for “anybody who can joke around a bit” or “anybody who likes to unleash bone-crunching tackles”.
No, but they do give you a discount on your next Quidditch broom purchase. I can always just cast a confundus charm on the park security to get people in for free...
BREAKING NEWS: COMMISSIONER PUBLICIZES DESIRE TO KEEP BRISAN66 & DSTOKES APART FOR LGFA SEASON 5 While some may wonder if a "confundus charm" has been successfully used on the commissioner, others wonder if dementors are holding him hostage. Regardless, the commissioner publicly announced moments ago that he wishes to keep the two former master and apprentice duo apart. It is yet unclear as to the motives behind these wishes though there are a few theories. "...It is my personal preference to see the likes of dstokes and Brisan66 ...as owners of 2 separate teams next season..." Theories include (but do not include any concrete proof) - in no specific order: 1. Disputes between teacher and student. 2. Preventative measures to avoid possible accusations in Season 5 due to the shananigans and pounding that will be unleashed IF they are permitted to stay together. These measures could be the results provided by a suspected yet unconfirmed group: FAIA - FIFA Association Intelligence Agency (if pronounced in spanish "FAIA" pronounces the word 'ugly'). The group is only seemingly becoming noticed now due to solutions, or lack thereof, in attempting to resolve major issues that were seen among the New York Red Bull as well as Sporting Kansas City. 3. Benefits to the league as a result of more media attention from each potential owner and a possible rivalry brewing. Have we mentioned what a stirr the finals could cause should the 2 end up in separate conferences? Would this be called media corruption? 4. Desire to strengthen the stability of the league. No argument the current season saw many dangers only barely (and miraculously I might add) averted as the result of secret undercover stealth terrorists and other factions seeking to intimidate leadership. 5. ...possibly the one that antagonists and opposing members are more likely to believe...either just messing around where he has no business OR not having a clue as to what he's doing. Their fate may remain uncertain as is the same for the impact to the LGFA...for the time being. Only in a matter of weeks will the events unfold. It will certainly be interesting to see how community members respond to these developing events. Moreso it will be interesting to see the flock of members blitzing the team(s) for starting roster spots and who those players selected will end up being.
Soon-to-be-owner dstokes31 released a statement today regarding the LGFA Commisioner's statements from earlier..... "Clearly our commissioner is under the effects of the confundus charm. I cannot confirm or deny my alleged involvement in this matter, but can say that I do agree with his sentiment of keeping myself and star protégé [MENTION=7667]Brisan66[/MENTION] separated as owners." This statement comes as no surprise to those closest to Stokes, who has been swayed by the allure of Colorado's "sweet, sweet, tasty edibles". Stokes would later confirm this "street knowledge" by admitting his preference for setting up his ownership group within the Colorado Rapids organization. "Orlando has been great," Stokes told reporters "but it's time for Hogwarts to find a new headmaster. Dumbledore out." Stokes will instead turn his wizardry to the mountains, where he looks to implement his defensive philosophies. Such philosophies have been a trademark of Stokes' teams throughout his FIFA career, including at LGFA where his current club, Philadelphia, have allowed the fewest goals in the league this season. "I'm proud of [MENTION=7667]Brisan66[/MENTION]. He learned long ago that defense is the key, and the boys in Philly have executed his game plan to perfection. I'm looking to do the same in Colorado next season, only with less offense and more defenders." Stokes would elaborate by saying he plans to "build a wall around Colorado's goal. Mountains around mountains. We will then back ourselves against those mountains and built another wall. Picture Helm's Deep, only better." Stokes also downplayed any talk of a rivalry with Philly, but did say he plans to bid his "entire wage budget" for Philly AGM [MENTION=12645]Grk n1ck1023[/MENTION], who would bring the "Greek Wall" to Colorado's defensive setup. Philly representatives were unwilling to discuss transfer policy with our staff at ESPN Deportes, but did say they look forward to another quality opponent and a potential "friendly rivalry". Stokes also ended speculation regarding his GM choice by naming FIFA veteran [MENTION=15859]Cobra624[/MENTION] his GM. Stokes spoke about his AGM choices as well, naming [MENTION=15508]Rageican[/MENTION] of the Columbus Crew and [MENTION=1897]GolSki40[/MENTION] of the Philadelphia Union as his most likely (but still undecided) choices.
