IHL Write UP

Quick rankings of teams. These are facts and are not my humble opinion. Everyone who disagrees is in a failed marriage and gets cheated on by Jaqueezy the 400 pounds legend.

1. Team Russia
Rehanek's squad ressembles a lot the real team Russia. Elite talent in every position -Havok/DDW/Briere/Odie - completed by a massive drop off on the bottom line altough I heard GonzoArmstrong might not be playing to avoid embarassing himself so that's already good news for them.
Their goaltending duo is solid, with AHL superstar Chief and Class lacing the pads. Team Russia clearly ice the best 1st line but I feel that they came a little short of being the clear cut/dominant favorites with some questionnable/random late round picks. Anyways someone should of drafted a lineup a of Arizona players to secure a guaranteed win against Rehanek to stop him from winning it all...

2. Czech Republic
This squad ices the most balanced forward group out of every team. The lines should be pretty much set since these guys have so much chemistry playing together ( The Pittsburgh line, The vancouver line + Laplante/Stamkos and the NJD Line - Coltcrazy/DJ +Stamkos/Laplante). Every single of these lines will be a threat to other teams and they sure will expose other teams with bad defense depth. With Inglis -arguably a top 3 RD in the league - leading their above average and well balanced d corps, this team should be able to hang in their with most top lines and give their forwards a chance to steal a few games from the tournament's top lines. Also Crosby. The Czech should give Russia a run for their money.

3. Switzerland
The Swiss committed highway robbery with their 27th pick, picking up B-Bunny. Thus, they ice a scary offense on paper but the lack of committed Centre might hurt them since most of their forwards are better wingers. Having itsGally on their roster is pretty much a guaranteed loss for that line just by the sheer amount of penalty minutes and turnovers he will get. Their top line defense is as good as it gets, with Woy and Trio, altought rumors are spreading that Woy might be busy on his VG vacation. Having not secured any top goalies, the Swiss are going to be a hit or miss kind of team.


4. Norway
Gost has been hyping his squad for the past few weeks. With some controversy surrounding his management, he has managed to secure KingKonz and Oso as his two GM'S while adding 1st Overall Pick PTP who is a beast on faceoffs. Unfortunately all that hype was a cloud of smoke as the talent drop off is considerable past these guys and a few others bright lights. But who knows, with the best goalie backed up with a legit started, these guys might steal a few from teams that come unprepared. ANyways I predict they will disband after having to endure Gost in their party chat after a couple games.

5. France
Win rhymes with Poutine so they'll go to feast... a couple times a week cause daily poutine is bad for you. Also good luck with the non-frenchies who will have to listen to us french speakers every game. Get your google translate ready tabarnak.

6. Austria

Everyone does remember that 1-0 Canada v. Austria game during the Olympics. Led by JBoro and J_Carlos, expect the same type of play. This team has a couple bright lights and made the most of their draft position and expect them to play a coordinated system that will bore you to death. They will be annoying to play and will shine brighter than all the other squads on the bottom of this list.


7. Kazakhstan
You guys got a couple really solid players but then again you got Leg_Al as your gm (was he the only guy who managed to go negative on the dallas stars last season??)... Hopefully for you guys KingClutch doesnt play with anyone else than Hriiz and Mpelley as Clutch holds it forever then force a backdoor against the grain everytime (There I said it, one trick pony). Only guys I know that do not feel like pulling their hair out when playing with him. Also, just enter the zone on their left side as their RD's are considerably better than their LD'S (there I said it again). Can Domsquad even play D?

8. Denmark
I was honestly surprised you guys even picked PrimaryFlash and EZDangles as I tought you guys were on a mission to prove this AHL filled squad was worthy enough. Might as well bench your two best defenseman since we all know you guys aren't here to win it all but to close the long age debate on are NHL players better than you guys. Oh wait nvm, guess you guys couldnt prove that without filling your d corps with NHL defenseman heh?

9. Italy
Will JDHeagle lagg out every 2 minutes? That is the question that is keeping up talent check at night. Nonetheless hes fucking sick and a great kisser. These guys have a solid offence but I feel like someone mistook the fake Gohawks for the real one and then realized he had no worthy d man to take care of the back end business. So in their last ditch effort they picked up Daris who sometimes get confused for an elite player just by his truly elite chatbox presence. Go Daris show them you got it in you. Also HazeeHype is true to his name, all hype, this isn't HUT; this tournament will be a testimony as to why you will stay in the AHL next season.

10. Sweden
This is a repeat of Dallas Stars season 2. Offense only will not carry you in a tournament with some stacked lines. Best of luck tho.

11. USA
Fumancheezy Fam right before B-Bunny. Got me scratching my head. Still, you guys are the underdogs. Bunch of capable forwards that can grind out wins on occasion. Hopefully you guys have a blast, tons of fun with the cool guys on your roster (S/O to my boy Akonvict21 for discovering me as a drop-in player in September and picking me up in VG).

12. Canada
Their owner, ryanwashere tried his best to not draft the best possible guys (Illyfilly 5 OA?? WTTFF FAM). Well enjoy the not best possible finish boys. Sorry for the few cool guys on that squad.


13Finland
This roster has convinced ChyzNasty to go back on a 2nd Vegas vacation and not even bother. Heard he's got 2 extra tickets too so Kadri and Headshot you guys are invited too apparently.


14. Germany
LOL. KKBYE
Marino you can come anytime at my place for a beer to forget this debacle of a team.

 

U dont even know the owner of a team u obviously have no clue what your talking about

 

10/10 would read again

 

Hmm good read, disagree with some stuff but i can respect it

 

Nerd.

 

"Repeat of Dallas season 1"

So.. We'll make the finals but are still ranked in the bottom half of teams anyway? Sounds about right.

 

Good read,

 

I am America

 

It's pretty obvious myself and @ryno1354 are going to carry Denmark to the title like we carried Rockford to the Calder.

 

3. Switzerland
The Swiss committed highway robbery with their 27th pick, picking up B-Bunny. Thus, they ice a scary offense on paper but the lack of committed Centre might hurt them since most of their forwards are better wingers. Having itsGally on their roster is pretty much a guaranteed loss for that line just by the sheer amount of penalty minutes and turnovers he will get. Their top line defense is as good as it gets, with Woy and Trio, altought rumors are spreading that Woy might be busy on his VG vacation. Having not secured any top goalies, the Swiss are going to be a hit or miss kind of team.



No top goalies eh, okay

 

Viper is op

 

Thought TBL/LA was s1 finals...guess I was wrong, oh well.

 

Kegger at fonts!

 

Viper lowkey best goalie in the game

 

I will carry [insert team here I forgot who drafted me, Sweden I think] to victory starting with a win over @NH4JP who is a traitor and decided I wasn't french enough to be on his QC team.

 

http://i.imgur.com/ZzMkxmD.png

 

You can't do anything right

 

4. Norway
Gost has been hyping his squad for the past few weeks. With some controversy surrounding his management, he has managed to secure KingKonz and Oso as his two GM'S while adding 1st Overall Pick PTP who is a beast on faceoffs. Unfortunately all that hype was a cloud of smoke as the talent drop off is considerable past these guys and a few others bright lights. But who knows, with the best goalie backed up with a legit started, these guys might steal a few from teams that come unprepared. ANyways I predict they will disband after having to endure Gost in their party chat after a couple games.





You didnt suck my dick enough.

 

Konz has the biggest balls around