210 E. Trade St Charlotte, NC 28202 Phone: (704) 342-4423 Fax: (704) 377-4595 [email protected] Here is your chance to apply for a job with our organization. Please fill out your profile as completely as possible as incomplete records will not be considered. Remember to list references, we will be calling references. Name: Age: Place of Birth: Current Residence: Any other deeply personal information: Opening Statement & Objective: List of Key Skills: Personal Attributes: (Cute, sexy, sexy but shy, weird but sexy) Education & GPA: Certificates: Employment History: Would you submit to a background check? (YES OR NO) Would you submit to a drug screening? (YES OR NO) References: (Include whether we can contact them, how long they've known you, and title) Thanks for choosing Charlotte as your possible destination!
Name: Erik Age: 25 Place of Birth: Backwoods PA Current Residence: Still Backwoods PA Any other deeply personal information: as of the time of filling this out, I have yet to have my morning poop (you asked) Opening Statement & Objective: I'm a goalie and I'm here to win. List of Key Skills: I try and stop vulcanized rubber pucks with my face Personal Attributes: (Cute, sexy, sexy but shy, weird but sexy) T h i c c but loveable Education & GPA: Graduated Highschool Certificates: Not that educated Employment History: Worked in retail for the last 6 1/2 years and haven't killed myself or committed murder (that has to be a world record) Would you submit to a background check? (YES OR NO) I'd do a cavity check it helped <3 Would you submit to a drug screening? (YES OR NO) you can have all the urine you need References: (Include whether we can contactthem, how long they've known you, and title) @Garis93 can vow that in fact I play the goalie position
Name: NotoriousFAT 00 Age: 43 Place of Birth: Winnipeg MB Current Residence: Winnipeg MB Any other deeply personal information: My father left when I was 2. Opening Statement & Objective: My opening statement is the statement I begin with. I’m very objective. List of Key Skills: Media mogul Personal Attributes: I can fit an entire pop can in my mouth. Education & GPA: Grade 12 graduate. Certificates: Finished 5th in the Winnipeg north badminton tournament. Employment History: Would you submit to a background check? YES my skeletons are no worse than the rest of the degenerates applying. Would you submit to a drug screening: YES my piss is clean. References: @Brisan66 @DudleyDoWright5 @LG McDonald
Name: Thanos Age: 45 Place of Birth: Jim Starlin's Hand Current Residence: Unknown Any other deeply personal information: I can control all reality with the simple thoughts and movements of my hand Opening Statement & Objective: Fun isn't something one considers when balancing the universe. To whom it may concern. My name is Thanos. I am the most powerful being in the existent universe. I spend my days snapping away half the populations of all planets, and my nights kicking ass at NHL 19. List of Key Skills: Personal Attributes: (Cute, sexy, sexy but shy, weird but sexy) I am whatever you imagine me to be. There are no limits Education & GPA: Beyond your possible understanding. Truthfully, I finished college with a 3.8 Certificates: School of Nursing, University of Montana Employment History: I have taken the wise Bernie Sanders approach in not attempting to gain full time employment until my mid-40s. Would you submit to a background check? (YES OR NO) Yes, but be warned. You will have a lot of reading to do. Would you submit to a drug screening? (YES OR NO) Yes, I am the perfect specimen. References: (Include whether we can contact them, how long they've known you, and title) The Avengers. In order to contact them, I suggest you visit New York City and blow some shit up. They're usually pretty responsive. Thanks for choosing Charlotte as your possible destination!
Name: Schizostone Age: 26 or 27, fuck if I know Place of Birth: middle of nowhere Current Residence: see line above Any other deeply personal information: I like long walks on the beach and being held in the arms of a big strong man Opening Statement & Objective: a what now? List of Key Skills: (this line has been purposely left blank) Personal Attributes: recently removed a glorious beard that would make your pee pee wiggle Education & GPA: 4.0 gpa in moose sex Certificates: certified igloo builder Employment History: please don’t check Would you submit to a background check? (Yes, I’m on THAT registry but it’s all a mistake) Would you submit to a drug screening? Quit trying to collect people’s urine you weirdo References: JKGrizzle, you’ve already heard of him, he’s kind of a big deal. @Schizostone
