Season Wrap Up, Syracuse Style

Another day, another season in the bag for the LGAHL. Many teams laid claim to the AHL throne, yet only one could come out on top. The Cleveland Monsters were a regular season juggernaut, the unanimous prediction of future Calder winners. Even if Cleveland somehow lost in a series, a team from the Western Conference had to win it all. Would it be Tucson? San Diego? The East was far inferior in every way. One of these teams winning was impossible... or was it?

In a stunning upset, the Season 26 Crunch defeated the Cleveland Monsters in 6 games to steal the coveted Calder Cup. Almost everyone was shocked at the result. This was the 2007 Patriots all over again. How could something like this happen? If you had played on the Syracuse Crunch, you would know exactly how.

This group of players may not be the most skilled players of all time, but they were able to communicate and anticipate each other's movements to such a degree that most teams could not compete. If a player saw a weakness on another team's game plan, we would exploit it. We had each other's backs on each and every play (I mostly had Grizz's every play). Mostly relative unknowns, these guys deserve all the recognition that they'll receive by winning the Calder.




The Tandem

G - @l Rockystar l

A starter from the beginning, rocky carried us in the first half of the season with incredible performances game after game. A huge sleeper in the goalie rankings, we could always count on him to come through and make a clutch save. Huge down the stretch, and huge in his pants... I mean heart, he's earned a co-MVP of the playoffs for the Crunch.

Special Ability: Gets shitfaced on game night, chirps own party for max damage

G- @I KiLLTarTED I

A huge pickup midway through the season, kill went on an incredible tear and barely ever lost. This was stoner's second best move of the season, only behind trading away Grizz. Just for god's sakes, please stop blasting the devil music during warmup games please.

Special Ability: Can't stop a breakaway to save his life, has a flashy glove


The Merlot Line

C - @Mitchy Marns

This stud is constantly overlooked by the LG Overdrive crew, and he absolutely proved them wrong with huge wins against the Baby Pens in The Semi-Finals. Our face off machine, his only downsides are that he loves the Maple Leafs and can't win in the finals. Just kidding bud. Great job this season making sure everyone was ready for games and setting up parties. You're the best.

LW - @squish12

A former resident of Cleveland, who would have expected that he'd be on the team to take down his former teammates? Big goals down the stretch from a big time player.

Nickname: The virgin, because whenever you try to connect to someone, you can't get in.

Secret sound: A baby seal

RW - @Gdollabills

We lined together for the first few weeks of the season, and you've got serious skills my dude. Your gamertag has money in it, and I like that too.

Secret Sound: A money printer

LD - @Ix Lutvi xI

You were cool with your wall bank passes on streams... we never spoke. Hi I'm Johnny. Glad we could meet. Good talk

Secret Sound: ??unknown??

RD - @DuffMcGriff

One of many defensive partners for me this season until management decided that grizz was too big of a liability to play with anyone else, our time together was cut short. I've missed the beautiful sound of your voice and the scent of your egg salad with pickle cologne. Please come back to me, I miss you <3

Secret Sound: The moans of Johnny

The Potheads

C- @NE1SON 26

One of my line mates in Season 23 on the Phantoms, and Season 25 of the Stockton Heat, together we can claim back to back cups! A rare feat, I'm gonna miss you next season, while you take a break. Recuperate well from your back surgery, caused by carrying stoner and landeskog every game. You've earned it buddy.

Favorite Politician: Nelson Mandela

LW - @Stoner x 95

Stoner, buddy, you did a fantastic job this season putting together this team. No matter how many photoshops we made of you, or gave you shit, you were always calm and composed. Never on the brink of leaving the team like my last GM... and definitely never said anything about hoping we lose... yeah that never happened. Apologize to Nelson for hurting his back please.



Favorite City: Denver, Colorado

RW - @Lyons x 63

Supremely underrated, you were easily my favorite second line winger on the team. So much competition for that spot and you really owned it. Scoring the OT game winner in Game 5 of the Finals was your tipping point, and the rest of your life will now be filled with utter disappointment and despair until you fade away into dust...




Good luck next season Lyons!

Favorite animal: Tigers, because irony is funny

LD - @l Landeskog l

You know how Gabriel Landeskog was good for a while and just sort of disappeared the last two seasons in the NHL? Yeah. Basically that.

Favorite Brand of TP: Charmin

RD - TC player of the day (or @Sniz )

I thought SQUISH had connection issues, my lord. Sniz I'm pretty sure your hamster has been dead for the last 3 months because that wheel isn't moving any longer homie. There's a thing called high speed internet that's existed since like 2006, please find a time machine and invest in it.

Brother's Favorite Netflix Show: Orange is the New Black / anything that makes your xbox crash

The Alphas (Betas)

C - @mferra32

A top line center in all regards (except face offs), he really can do it all (again, face offs). I don't know how you can do that spin move wrap, but I'm really glad it failed a lot so you'd have less incentive to do it. Thanks for having a job and making our schedule hard, you selfish prick. I'm looking forward to what next season has in store for you, maybe a leap into the LGNHL?

Favorite Quote: Dwight from the office yelling "MICHAEL!"

LW - @XxKane l88l

Another top notch pickup by stoner, this kid really knows how to ball (puck?) How much talent can this little fuzz ball have you might ask? Enough to swap wings with Ghost DURING THE PLAYOFFS and not miss a beat. The only bad thing about that move was that I could no longer hit you as much on the breakouts.

Favorite Player: Jonathan Toews

RW - @Beta Celly

Ghost, my son, we have done it. Together, we have won the championship. Through all our ups and downs, whether you were spewing nonsense into the CB with Dreams, or I was skating away from a puck in the offensive zone, you never roasted me (I'd like to see you try you little shit). And for that, I thank you.

Favorite Quote: ME ME MOO MOO

LD - @Johnny Fivehole

Absolute trash, no one cares. Go to bidding loser. Learn to score a goal

RD - @FtB x Grizz

I'm not to familiar with management, so I'm not great at understanding trades. However, why would you trade away a player, just to bring him back in the same season? Landy, you have some explaining to do for why I had to carry this backup LAX bum to an undefeated cup run.

Secret Power: Fitting a dip can in his mouth completely. Really



Sakball

This team wouldn't be where it was if sakball wasn't such a great owner. As much of a failure as his first year as an NHL owner was, he still is a back to back cup winner by proxy. That means you can still chirp him on the daily, but be nice about it. And don't mention slim, he's still broken up about it.

TC and Former Players

Anyone who played for this team deserves a trophy for the chat box. You all contributed, and were valuable assets to us, especially if we traded you. Thank you all.

Cleveland

Losing isn't easy, but you guys put on a hell of a show all season. As much trash talk as some of our players said, we all had the utmost respect for your skill. Good luck to you all going forward, especially @VVaGs82 with the next step in his LGNHL career.

Faces

@Im_Faces




Thank you for reading everyone, enjoy the offseason, and see you in Season 27!

-Johnny Fivehole
Syracuse Crunch Defenseman
Season 26 Calder Champ

 

Johnny is the fahkin goat! By far one of the funniest and nice guys on the site!

Fun fact... he only scored 3 goals in 72 career games with me!

 

wasn't rockford the presidents cup winner?

 

Cleveland won the presidents trophy?

 

Umm this awkward.. do believe Rockford won the Presidents..but cheers lad. Congrats on the ship!

 

Ohhhh how I've missed this classiest and most underrated D men in this game! <3 you forgot to add johnny.
2 Time Calder Cup Champion <3 congrats again to the crunch especially my boys johnny and nelson <3 Fuck you Sakic <3

 

President trophy winner here

 

Nice Calder cup bud

 

your a fucking stud

 

i actually think Cleveland won the Calder as well...duhhhh

 

Weird, at no point in reading this thread did you say much of a stud I am... Hmm, very weird.

 

@Im_Faces

 

MY ROUTER

#Potato

 

Where were you during the finals?

 

This is a fucking awesome write up, your an all star

 

Thanks mate, everyone plays this for fun so I always do a write up for everyone to enjoy and get a laugh. Nothing malicious.

 

Johnny You're The Best!!!!!