Life in the Cage: What the Puck is happening here? (Week 6)

Discussion in 'Leaguegaming American Hockey League (LGAHL)' started by NotoriousFAT 00, Jul 7, 2017.

  1. NotoriousFAT 00

    NotoriousFAT 00 FAT enough to sweat gravy. Media team member. AHL AGM

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    Attention!!! If you are reading this you are an obviously either related to me, a goalie or having a bowel movement. Any way you slice it I guess it all equates to me appreciating you for pouring over the words I type. Except for you uncle Larry! I'll never forgive you for convincing me that putting tic tac's in my rectum would clear up that issue with scent! But the rest of you defecating net defenders are in my good books.


    This week will be a bit of a departure for me. Mainly because I'm currently on the tail end of my vacation and really don't want to be tied down with this responsibility. So expect a dose of higher than normal sodium in this column. Please accept my apologies up front.

    *** This is for entertainment purposes only. Do your best to be a big boy/girl and keep your tender bits salt free. I really don't care if you think this is crap I enjoy it and so do the vast majority of my readers. ***

    STUDS:

    Holy fuck you guys were good this week! I was compiling names for this week and had no less than 10 guys that could easily be on the receiving end of some praise from myself. Fortunately I don't like some of you so I was able to eliminate a couple names right off the hop. A couple more of you were undesirable candidates because you've had the recognition here before. So what I was left with was 3 guys that could not be denied. Those three guys were...

    Albany's @adidaht88 is back again after last being noticed by myself in week 3. I wrote about how he was a "beauty" and to be fair the praise may have come a bit early as his numbers were "prepubescent". But he has definitely developed over the last few weeks and all the praise he's about to receive this week is well deserved. Adi had all the boys looking after sprouting some sick numbers and blossoming with a 87.3 sv%. Adi was also pretty tight with the GAA of 1.67 this week. Fun fact! Adi appears to have kept his team in the games this week as every single one he was in was contested by just 1 goal! If your goalie is allowing just 1 goal you guys better start scoring more than 2 to help the guy out.

    New to the LITC page is Hershey's new little kiss of goaltending @EgoKiller43. Ego confidently pushed aside some of the LGAHL's top teams completing a trip through the Western Central division. Ego managed to best both Rockford and Cleveland on Monday night allowing just 3 goals combined in those 2 games. After that little boost Ego was feeling pretty good and went on to finish the week with a 5-1 record stopping 82.1% of shots he saw. Much like Adi before him Ego was balls out good with a 1.62 GAA in week 6. Not a bad season brewing for Ego so far. Will he continue to get the nod as the starter in Hershey?

    Finally in the studs category is a guy that had he been on a top team would not be getting the mention here as his numbers are not outstanding. But when you realize who he plays for you start to get a sense of how good a week he had. Introducing @cdubb06 of the Milwaukee Admirals. The name feels very hip hop to me so WIKKA WIKKA... REMIX!!!! Dubs was pretty solid for the struggling Admirals in week 6. He strung together a 3-2 week against the Eastern Atlantic. Although the pitch may have been a tad off at 75.4 sv% and a 2.8 GAA Dubs gave Milwaukee a chance to win games! Really thats all you can ask of a goalie on a struggling team.


    Notable mentions for the right reasons: @Sanctifiy @Auggy @joek5 @B4NKS @Ballzy06 Nice week guys!


    DUDS:

    Not too many names to choose from this week in the duds. Oh sure there were a handful of guys that had bad weeks. Just not quite "duds" bad. Chances are if you have appeared here more than one time your either on a bad team or your just plain old bad at chel. If you have the option you may want to exercise your trade request before the end of this weekend and the deadline.

    @IX 212 XI is in a back to back situation here. Last week he was written up while still a member of Milwaukee but after a trade he finds himself back on the shit list a second week in a row this time with the much better Providence Bruins. This week the stat line looks like 61.4 sv% and a 6.08 GAA. I'm not sure what it will take for the cat know as 212 to run out of lives but I'm thinking a third straight appearance and an meeting with the cockhammer may do the trick.

    @LAZYKIDZinGA was an honorable mention last week in the studs and find himself here in the duds this week. Chicago continues to slide down hill fast as if the entire team received NOMA GT Snow racers for Christmas. ( I know it's summer season but I'm still going to use winter references ) The Wolves have gone colder than the tundra and Lazykid went just 2-4 this week with a 69.3 sv% and a testicle shrinking 6.20 GAA. Take some advice from Brett Hull.


    FRESH MEAT! @BLKHAWK95 of Bridgeport is just the latest guy to be run through the Sound Tiger grinder. He started this season as a serviceable ECU which no doubt translated into a regular role in the AHL. Was because of skill or was it because his predecessors took their own lives in a grim and grisly manner? That's a job for a more dedicated investigator than I. But what I can tell you is that going 0-3 with a 63.5 sv% and 6.34 GAA is a good reason to start looking into the price a razor blades.

    Notable mentions for all the wrong reasons: @Kingofny1983 @Matt l85l


    TAG TEAM:

    This is completely against what I wanted to do with the tag team category. I didn't want to have a repeat team in here. But Tucson was just not going to be denied! The team of @PHJ314 (4-1 83.6% 2.20) and @Ranger x 28 (3-1 89.4% 1.37) are back again for a few reasons.

    1) They are pretty fuckin' good.
    2) They appear to be a cohesive unit.
    3) PHJ paid me.
    4) I'm hoping to gain from this personally. Let me explain.

    Tucson plays in the Western Pacific division and as such is my division rival. The Western Pacific (WP) seems to be the "Weak" division this season or at least that's how people perceive it. My theory is teams are sending their second and third lines to battle the top WP teams and giving the Tucson team a free pass. Lets put an end to that. I'm calling on all teams that pass through the (WP) to send your first lines to play Tucson! CRUSH THEM!!! HUMILIATE THEM!!! Reserve those 3rd lines for teams like Stockton.


    COCKHAMMER:

    Well sadly we have our first repeat cockhammer recipient. As I mentioned the last time I wrote about him being negative brings me no joy. This was a guy I championed. This was a guy I believed in. This was a guy I felt had potential. This was a guy that completely fuckin' fooled me. @AirB0rneFaTheR I can only assume that you are not the same person I gushed about in my TC Heroes section in week 2. Obviously something terrible has happened to you? Have you been abducted by radical Islamic terrorists? Blink once for yes. Have you been deployed back into the field and left your kid to play in your place? Something is different. Now we all know there is absolutely no way I could have been wrong about you and your skill set so the issue must be on your end. Our fly boy was not sharp this week finishing up with a 1-3 record and a 59.8 sv% along side an 8.76 GAA. Father I just don't know what to say now other that HAMMER!!!



    Until next week.... Be BIG. Be square. Be soft!

    NotoriousFAT 00
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2017
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  2. Ranger x 28

    Ranger x 28 Well-Known Member

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  3. NotoriousFAT 00

    NotoriousFAT 00 FAT enough to sweat gravy. Media team member. AHL AGM

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    Ya you guys may want to come up with a plan. I've got the entire AHL after you now. lol
     
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  4. PHJ314

    PHJ314 Hustler

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  5. l Stastny26 l

    l Stastny26 l S28 Ontario Reign GM AHL GM (XB1)

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    Hopefully the Barracudas send us their top line this week.
     
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  6. deathstwr99

    deathstwr99 JUST GONNA SEND IT Platinum

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    wow, I'm proud of my son, ranger x 28, he is finally gonna be a starting goalie in the ahl, I think I'm gonna cry.
     
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  7. l Rockystar l

    l Rockystar l Well-Known Member Platinum

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    another great writeup big cat
     
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  8. tristn

    tristn Beast from the East

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    Man who do I got to pay off. Not even an honorable mention this week with a 75% sav, 2.8 GAA, and 3-1-2 record with 2 shutouts against Providence and Tucson. Lol
     
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  9. Ranger x 28

    Ranger x 28 Well-Known Member

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    Read the paragraph right before studs...
    *** This is for entertainment purposes only. Do your best to be a big boy/girl and keep your tender bits salt free. I really don't care if you think this is crap I enjoy it and so do the vast majority of my readers. ***
     
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  10. NotoriousFAT 00

    NotoriousFAT 00 FAT enough to sweat gravy. Media team member. AHL AGM

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    To be fair there were some extremely good performances this week. Look up the stats of the honorable mentions this week and you will see you just didn't match up.
     
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  11. tristn

    tristn Beast from the East

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    I love his article I was giving him shit. That's why I put the lol
     
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  12. CAPTAIN TURTL31

    CAPTAIN TURTL31 Well-Known Member

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    How did I get a notable mention in the duds category? I didn't let in a single goal this week!!!!!
     
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  13. l Mackie l

    l Mackie l Tiddus Sucks Eggs AHL GM (XB1)

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    How do you get 2 shutouts but end with a 75sv%? I'm thinking your defence carried you.
     
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  14. Volt x

    Volt x Well-Known Member

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  15. NotoriousFAT 00

    NotoriousFAT 00 FAT enough to sweat gravy. Media team member. AHL AGM

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    Sorry Turtle I read your week 5 stats. My apologies I will remove your name.
     
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  16. CAPTAIN TURTL31

    CAPTAIN TURTL31 Well-Known Member

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    Just move me to the studs column, 0.00 gaa is pretty good.
     
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  17. adidaht88

    adidaht88 Well-Known Member

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    Great writeups
     
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  18. Tatar l21l

    Tatar l21l Well-Known Member

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    @NotoriousFAT 00 I feel as I deserve to be a stud for your next article and me and faces deserve tag team of the week! Enough of me talking though the numbers should be enough :)
     
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  19. NotoriousFAT 00

    NotoriousFAT 00 FAT enough to sweat gravy. Media team member. AHL AGM

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    I will be writing very soon for week 7. You will be mentioned as for being a tag team again that likely wont happen. I'm trying to spread the love around.
     
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  20. Tatar l21l

    Tatar l21l Well-Known Member

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    We both had a unbelievable week I don't know how we couldn't be the tag team -___-
     
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