Well folks, it's that time once again, LGAHL playoffs! It's been a hard fought season for everyone. We've seen teams charge ahead to steal playoff seeds, AHL roasts, an unfathomable amount of bans, and plays wanting to retire then changing their minds (not you sakic). With such an unpredictable sequence of events, I, Johnny Kernhole, will attempt to do the impossible and PREDICT THE FUTURE. Over the season I have come to know my teammates well, and aim to correctly guess what exactly said teammates (myself included) will do over the next few weeks. In no specific order... 1) l slim x 8 l - Will attempt to make more wraps than a sandwich shop. Argues with sakballs in party chat but no one can understand either one of them. Asks for me to post my twitch name in our team chat for the 100th time. Probability: 100% 2) CSilveri - Plays his position more than anyone who has ever had thumbs. Proceeds to miss more open nets and breakaways than the rest of the team has shots. Probability: 110% 3) JaguarJeff - averages 2 blowjobs per game from his girlfriend. (BJPG) He lead the league this season in this advanced metric this season Probability: Higher than the chance of a new COD releasing every year. 4) Ne1son 26 - Fully justifies his expensive as hell 500k contract by scoring 4 rubbish goals against Ontario. Probability : 90% 5) SACKAGAWEA - Team rags on him for being out of position, proceeds to quit, then take it back saying he never meant it. Probability : Wait he quit once already? 6) Theee Danimal - continues his unbeaten streak. Also, I continue to make yogurt based puns about his gamertag. Probability: 70% 7) Johnny Fivehole - gets coned by Ontario's goalie, everyone wonders how this garbage player won 20 games. Probability: 200% 8) l Scopes x l20l - keeps up the blistering pace and contrary to popular belief, stops 7/10 beach balls. Probability: 69% 9) Gulash l4l - Needs at least 2 full lines to ECU for the Flames this week. Again. Yikes. Probability: Higher than gulash will admit. 10) Stockton Heat - Win a hard fought win over Ontario in 7 games. Any games this series will be twitched by myself or Rico Suave FLS. Good luck to everyone in their playoff series.